A list of the best funny quotes

"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy. If not, you'll become a philosopher." -- Socrates - "You can pick your friends. And you can pick your nose. But you can't pick your friend's nose." - "It's a recession when your neighbour loses his job. It's a depression when you lose yours." -- Harry S. Truman - "Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands, and then eat just one of the pieces." - "Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands, and then eat just one of the pieces" - "Half the people in Hollywood are dying to be discovered and the other half are afraid they will be." -- Lionel Barrymore - "Life is hard, after all it kills you." -- Katherine Hepburn -